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| Happy girl |
Today Peyton had day 6 of fever, so dada finally allowed me to take her to the pediatrician. Luckily her blood work came back normal and the doc said she must be on the upswing. I cherished the rest of my morning with her by taking our first walk of the year! It was finally warm enough!!!!!
I found myself in tears on this walk. This was the first day in such a long time I had weekday one on one with her. I look back at the fall and winter. I never saw her in daylight. We'd leave for school/work before it was light out and by the time we got back home it was dark. During two evenings a week, I had joined a moms group and a couples small group at Church to meet people in the area. While I've enjoyed meeting some wonderful families- and cute little playmates for Peyton, it has taken precious little time away from us. I have become really bitter and hard on myself. It has become horribly difficult for me to drop her off at daycare. She can sense that I'm upset and I fear that's creating a separation anxiety issue for her.
Today I started looking for part-time opportunities. It may take awhile to find a reasonable fit, most are variable evening shifts, lots of weekend hours- Jon works evening and weekends so thats not sustainable for child care. I just pray that I am thoughtful in my decisions, that I consider the benefits of a child seeing her mama supporting her family with a rewarding job but also having her know that I put family first.
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| Baby love |
